'bout Gays...

Gays are even better than prostitutes

Everything about gays revolves around looking good, being attractive, dressing well. But this is so that they can shamelessly parade themselves in public to seduce their potential free-sex customers.

Even the moral-conscious public knows that gays go to gyms(they can train up to be better-looking prostitutes), go to gay shops(get their flashy revealing prostitute clothes), go to gay hairdressers(look like gay prostitutes), go to gay spas(find their customers), go to gay clubs(find their customers), go to gay parties outside of singapore(desperate to regroup with similar prostitutes and to celebrate their perversities and not forgetting, to spread Aids!).

All gays talk about is all about sex, sex, sex. Then of course they would then talk about their brought-about sexually transmitted diseases. Aids are not important to them, only satisfying their perversion is. They try to close their eyes or their minds, to the deadly Aids, they just want to be indifferent. They want to be deaf and blind, like the disabled.

There will never be a cure for Aids, because those disgusting perverts who did it with animals and created the first HIV are gays. Same perverse people. And the HIV virus does not like it when species try to mate with other species.

It is like stupid people who has some deadly disease continuing to spread it to others because they think it is their heritage to fulfill their perversion, to be proud and prostituting gays. They must be suffering from brain damage.

They only talk about how attractive some person is, how they look like, attractive or ugly, all the disgusting superficial empty no-brainers gossip.

I can think of nothing else gays talk about.

They go to some stupid gay church filled with hypocrite false christians. Then they would surely discuss about their conflicts with Christianity because they find their fellow churchmate attractive! What??? They want to be prostitutes yet they want God to take away their guilt. I say stop being shameless prostitutes then you will take away your own guilt! Stupid false christians! Burn them at the stake!

Gays have problems outing their perverse sexuality to their family because they are afraid to say to their family that they have a sick perversion of wanting attractive same-sex people to do something sick. Their families should get them behind bars, to protect the general public from such disgusting perverts!

Everything about gays is all related to prostitution, in being attractive so as to find sex partners. Everything about being gay is all related to sex. What else do gays do?

Go to the gay sites and we see gays talking about which guys from which tv shows or movies are attractive. They only talk about which things are "nice", who are attractive to them, which food are delicious, which restaurant to go, which clothes are fashionable. Reminds me that most fashion designers, hair dressers, models, artists, are gay.

Gays are almost the most useless people the world can do without. They are living in their own high class glamourous world when the world is this close to self-destruction. Why is the world close to self-destruction? It is because of selfish, close minded people like terrorists, moron leaders of some countries, just stupid retarded people, noisy women with no brains, and pervert gays, and of course the rapists, pedophiles and molesters.

But now in the present age, gays are the worshipper of Hitler, they are trying to wipe out themselves by using their bodies for virus host experiments. To see if they would contract the virus and die fast.

It is humans' responsibility to correct wrong when we see it, but to do nothing(I am refering gays' indifference towards perversion) implies that we allow it to happen because we approve of it(gays approve of perversions of rapists molesters and pedophiles). Then the fault of the previous generation would spread to the present one. But it is not my fault, it is the fault of perverse people like gays, pedophiles and pervert molesters!

Other people just do not care about gays because they know sooner or later gays will wipe themselves out with Aids. And of course they cannot have children. I am only kind enough to speak of this illogic gays are doing to themselves. Don't blame shift me to be your model for catharsis because the ones who are doing wrong are gays themselves.

Girl found dead at bottom of block of flats in Simei.

A little girl was found dead at the bottom of a block of HDB flats in Simei on Wednesday.

She is believed to be about four years old.

At about 8am, residents from the neighbourhood of Block 148, Simei Street 1, found the girl lying at the foot of the block.

The girl who was dressed in a pair of green pyjamas, was declared dead at the scene.

Police are investigating and has classified the case as unnatural death.

Source: Channel News Asia, 20 July 2005, 1551 hrs (SGT)

=======

That girl was my cell-group member's daughter. My mum said that she might have fallen after she woke up and found that her granny wasn't at home and started playing or looking for her granny...

Picture of her taken by Joe, when i went for Alpha 7 as a videographer on assignment.

=======

"early in the morn, the maid brot ellif's cousin to the mrt station to send her aunty off to work
den her grandma went downstairs to buy thngs when she still sleeping
den when seh wake up n see no one at home, she take a stool n look out of the window
n fell
n died
den the grandma called uncle simon
den he rushed back
they tried calling aunty irene but her phone was off
den aunty yok cheng contacted her by dunno wat.. n tell her that her daughter met with an accident
but they dint tell her that ellif die lia
n tell her to go back straight away
they oni told her wat happen when she reach home
den she took bout 1hr to calm down
they havent even see the body yet lor
den the head later dunno like wat liao
the news say her head n ear bleeding"

======

This is what i know of thus far.. Most prob i'll go for the wake tomorrow or friday... In the meantime, Time to sleep and pray that Irene and Simon will be strong and that Lord will guide them and be with them through this diff preiod.

Blessed!

Monday

Woke up half an hour early to take the first bus to camp as i had to setup for the chief conference. After setting it up, was told that it was cancelled AGAIN. Wasted my time and luckily i didn't take the taxi. Managed to catch up with pL and Jensen.

Jensen's a nice guy i would say... will i get attracted??? argh... am i going to 2 time??? whahha....

I spent the rest of the day flag-washing. National Day's coming and its time to hang the flags liaoz... i wonder if i would get hung instead. haha... Had lunch with pL... I was called to the highest point in my camp, i think, the repelling tower, the one with the helicopter... it was drizzling and was windy... it was such a nice sight... of Changi village and my camp. How i wish i could stay there longer, or if pL or Jensen were to be there, i'm sure they would have loved it too. Back to falg-washing thereafter.

It's the first day of lessons, Advertising: Stragety and Effective Practise. Same old boring lecturer - Dr. Sivam. I managed to stay awake throughout the whole lesson and i didn't leave half-way. Because i bought snacks back to class... haha... This time round, there were a number if eye candies. I saw one of them sitting by himself at the cafeteria when i walked past. A loner? Maybe i should start talking to him and make friends with him huh?? hehe...

I'm listening to Lush 99.5. I enjoy it.. Jazz and NuJazz... Simply nice for the night...

Goodnight peeps!

Sabbath

It's the end of another week and the begining of a new week.

Less than 365 days to ORD!!!

This week has been pretty hectic. You can know by me not blogging for the past week.

I did producting and presenting yesterday. It wasn't very good though. Wasn;t prepared and my lappy gave way on me... All my songs were in there and i couldn't play from there... guess the port's spoilt. I've to send the lappy back 2 Dell to get it repaired. luckily it's still under warranty.

Thereafter i went to Alex's birthday @ his house in pasir ris. I gave him a huge tub of Ice Cream.. wahhaha.... Will he put on weight after eating the whole tub? or will it be worse, diabetes?? Rendall asked me to go as Alex had invited me last minute.. so i agreed... Myron tagged along too... Then i asked him if he wanted to go with me to Club 95, and he agreed too.... That wasn't a very wise idea of mine as he's still underaged... pL and JenSen came along also... Irene wasn't around as she was in Hong Kong and would be back only on sunday (today). Wrong timing to go...

DIdn't go to church today as i slept until about noon. Woke up and headed down to AfA's office at Rowell Road for an urgent meeting cum interview... Den went back to Bedok. NTUC to buy stuffs and home to cook....

1) Pasta with Minced Meat, Garlic, Onions, Tomato Sauce, Saussage.
2) Soup with Onions, Garlic, Saussage and Roux.
3) Baked Beans.

Now i'm here blogging after washing up... Going to bathe soon...

Everyone out there, remember that you are Blessed and GOD LOVES YOU!

Have a greet week ahead, and till the next time i post, Blessed!

===

I will Sing, I will Praise
Even in my darkest time
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will Sing, I will Praise
Lift my hands to honor You
Because your word is true...
I will Sing

Sabbath & Kena Tua

It's Sabbath Again. How time flies...

Was supposed to work today from 9am to 9pm at a condo in newton. I arrived there and rang the door bell. This man opened the door. He looked at me with a surprised look. I though i had went up to the wrong apartment or wrong condo. Worse still, wrong day and time. I checked the unit number, it was right. Then the gay told me that he though it wasn't confirmed. Apprantly my nursing agent didn't call him back to confirm with him so he got another nursing agency to get a nurse for his dad. I went back. And now i'm still waiting for my agency to get back to me on how i'm going to be compensiated.

Went to church from newton. Worship was good. I was asked to attend the meeting for the 40 days of purpose. I was asked if i could do the video. I agreed. I'll be going down one of these days with my camera and ask people, What do you think it'll be like to be like Jesus? And i'm suppose to record down all the responses and edit them together. Dateline, Septemer.

I slept all the way from 5pm to about 8.30pm. Woke up and did the 40 days of purpose website for my church. It's now up at http://www.bpmc.info/40days/. i copied it from another church therefore, some of the contents isn't really correct as i've yet to customize it for my church.. haha....

it's sleeptime... BTW, Initial D was nice... I like Jay Chou.. wahahah.... I'll go gaga over him... He's so cute and charming and handsome...

Goodnight!

Chocolate Chip Cake

I'm baking again. 2 cakes this time round. In a faster time, 75% of time spent only. No special occasion.

I bought a cake mixer yesterday at taka... $35.90... Put it into good use today...

The banana cake was just as usual, just that i had mixed fruit and 4 fresh bananas in them. 2 bananas mashed and the other 2 sliced into cubes... Chocolate Chip Cake, my new receipe... First time baking it with my own creativity. I just substituted the Banana flavor with chocolate emulco and i added in chocolate chips with a little mixed fruit.

The chocolate chip cake turned out better than expected. Expect me to bake more Chocolate Chip Cake next time... Those in camp will be able to try it when i bring it for them to try on monday. Poh Liang too will be able to try it.. Poor him, having to do recall manning this weekend, but at least he has 2.5 days off. Adrian's the first one to be able to taste it other than my parents as i'm meeting him for Initial D later...

I'm off to my bath and then off to Toa Payoh for Initial D...

Cheerz!

Bomb Blast in London

6 Bombs exploded, some in the subway and one in a bus. One blast ripped the roof of the bus.

What is the world coming to? It has been said in the Bible that the next coming will be in fire...

Tomorrow i'll be off and i'm bringing and treating my mum out for lunch and shopping... I've reserved a table for 2 at Garden Hotel, the Atrium. it's about S$26.80+++ per head...

I'm now on-call every friday night, saturday day and night and sunday day. So hopefully i'll get an assignment every week. wahhaha... i've already got one this sunday from 9am to 9pm...

Sleep time!

Mid-week

It's already midweek. And the next moment, it's already thursday. Before you even know it, it's already the last working day of the week.

It's been a long, busy and tiring day for me. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. and hopefully i can leave early too...

nothing much to talk about... ciaoz.

Tuesday

It's been a normal, plain day... nothing much...

Started work early as i had to get the refreshments up by 8.30am... den the whole day was slack already...

i'm begining to like my QM.. haha... he's average looking.. and doesn't command people around... a rather nice guy... hehe...

updated the church's website again. this time round, i managed to put in the scrolling updates into the front page of the site.. it's already 10.30pm so soon.. time really flies. the last time i looked at the time was at 9.30pm and i thought to myself that i would sleep soon, before 10pm... and it's past 10 already... now, i must sleep before 11... it's another long day tomorrow...

I'm off on friday.. will be going out with my mum.. going to lion city hotel for lunch den to katong to adjust my specs and den to heeren to get a gift for my friend's birthday... it's a her... haha... surprise surpirse.. haha...

I'm looking for people who's interested in having hands-on experience in doing voice-overs, doing of station trailers, station jingle. I'm also looking for Hosts and Co-hosts.. I've got more or less the schedule up for 16 july... i have 4 slots of an hour each for the host/co-hosts to do their show on that day itself. If you wish to take up a slot, please get in touch with me asap. I'll have to "hear" your voice.. hahah....

Anyway, it's time to sleep, and before that, maybe have a chat with Adrian. Got to know him from the net a few days back... 18 year old from VJC... hehe...

And before i end my post, an interesting article that i chanced upon.

Happy reading and Cheers!

MiRaNtZ

---

Straight, Gay or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited

The New York Times
July 5, 2005

By BENEDICT CAREY

Some people are attracted to women; some are attracted to men. And some, if Sigmund Freud, Dr. Alfred Kinsey and millions of self-described bisexuals are to be believed, are drawn to both sexes.

But a new study casts doubt on whether true bisexuality exists, at least in men.

The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation.

People who claim bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality or simply closeted. "You're either gay, straight or lying," as some gay men have put it.

In the new study, a team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men and women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men.

The study is the largest of several small reports suggesting that the estimated 1.7 percent of men who identify themselves as bisexual show physical attraction patterns that differ substantially from their professed desires.

"Research on sexual orientation has been based almost entirely on self-reports, and this is one of the few good studies using physiological measures," said Dr. Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender identity at the University of Utah, who was not involved in the study.

The discrepancy between what is happening in people's minds and what is going on in their bodies, she said, presents a puzzle "that the field now has to crack, and it raises this question about what we mean when we talk about desire."

"We have assumed that everyone means the same thing," she added, "but here we have evidence that that is not the case."

Several other researchers who have seen the study, scheduled to be published in the journal Psychological Science, said it would need to be repeated with larger numbers of bisexual men before clear conclusions could be drawn.

Bisexual desires are sometimes transient and they are still poorly understood. Men and women also appear to differ in the frequency of bisexual attractions. "The last thing you want," said Dr. Randall Sell, an assistant professor of clinical socio-medical sciences at Columbia University, "is for some therapists to see this study and start telling bisexual people that they're wrong, that they're really on their way to homosexuality."

He added, "We don't know nearly enough about sexual orientation and identity" to jump to these conclusions.

In the experiment, psychologists at Northwestern University and the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto used advertisements in gay and alternative newspapers to recruit 101 young adult men. Thirty-three of the men identified themselves as bisexual, 30 as straight and 38 as homosexual.

The researchers asked the men about their sexual desires and rated them on a scale from 0 to 6 on sexual orientation, with 0 to 1 indicating heterosexuality, and 5 to 6 indicating homosexuality. Bisexuality was measured by scores in the middle range.

Seated alone in a laboratory room, the men then watched a series of erotic movies, some involving only women, others involving only men.

Using a sensor to monitor sexual arousal, the researchers found what they expected: gay men showed arousal to images of men and little arousal to images of women, and heterosexual men showed arousal to women but not to men.

But the men in the study who described themselves as bisexual did not have patterns of arousal that were consistent with their stated attraction to men and to women. Instead, about three-quarters of the group had arousal patterns identical to those of gay men; the rest were indistinguishable from heterosexuals.

"Regardless of whether the men were gay, straight or bisexual, they showed about four times more arousal" to one sex or the other, said Gerulf Rieger, a graduate psychology student at Northwestern and the study's lead author.

Although about a third of the men in each group showed no significant arousal watching the movies, their lack of response did not change the overall findings, Mr. Rieger said.

Since at least the middle of the 19th century, behavioral scientists have noted bisexual attraction in men and women and debated its place in the development of sexual identity. Some experts, like Freud, concluded that humans are naturally bisexual. In his landmark sex surveys of the 1940's, Dr. Alfred Kinsey found many married, publicly heterosexual men who reported having had sex with other men.

"Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual," Dr. Kinsey wrote. "The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats."

By the 1990's, Newsweek had featured bisexuality on its cover, bisexuals had formed advocacy groups and television series like "Sex and the City" had begun exploring bisexual themes.

Yet researchers were unable to produce direct evidence of bisexual arousal patterns in men, said Dr. J. Michael Bailey, a professor of psychology at Northwestern and the new study's senior author.

A 1979 study of 30 men found that those who identified themselves as bisexuals were indistinguishable from homosexuals on measures of arousal. Studies of gay and bisexual men in the 1990's showed that the two groups reported similar numbers of male sexual partners and risky sexual encounters. And a 1994 survey by The Advocate, the gay-oriented newsmagazine, found that, before identifying themselves as gay, 40 percent of gay men had described themselves as bisexual.

"I'm not denying that bisexual behavior exists," said Dr. Bailey, "but I am saying that in men there's no hint that true bisexual arousal exists, and that for men arousal is orientation."

But other researchers - and some self-identified bisexuals - say that the technique used in the study to measure genital arousal is too crude to capture the richness - erotic sensations, affection, admiration - that constitutes sexual attraction.

Social and emotional attraction are very important elements in bisexual attraction, said Dr. Fritz Klein, a sex researcher and the author of "The Bisexual Option."

"To claim on the basis of this study that there's no such thing as male bisexuality is overstepping, it seems to me," said Dr. Gilbert Herdt, director of the National Sexuality Resource Center in San Francisco. "It may be that there is a lot less true male bisexuality than we think, but if that's true then why in the world are there so many movies, novels and TV shows that have this as a theme - is it collective fantasy, merely a projection? I don't think so."

John Campbell, 36, a Web designer in Orange County, Calif., who describes himself as bisexual, also said he was skeptical of the findings.

Mr. Campbell said he had been strongly attracted to both sexes since he was sexually aware, although all his long-term relationships had been with women. "In my case I have been accused of being heterosexual, but I also feel a need for sex with men," he said.

Mr. Campbell rated his erotic attraction to men and women as about 50-50, but his emotional attraction, he said, was 90 to 10 in favor of women. "With men I can get aroused, I just don't feel the fireworks like I do with women," he said.

About 1.5 percent of American women identify themselves bisexual. And bisexuality appears easier to demonstrate in the female sex. A study published last November by the same team of Canadian and American researchers, for example, found that most women who said they were bisexual showed arousal to men and to women.

Although only a small number of women identify themselves as bisexual, Dr. Bailey said, bisexual arousal may for them in fact be the norm.

Researchers have little sense yet of how these differences may affect behavior, or sexual identity. In the mid-1990's, Dr. Diamond recruited a group of 90 women at gay pride parades, academic conferences on gender issues and other venues. About half of the women called themselves lesbians, a third identified as bisexual and the rest claimed no sexual orientation. In follow-up interviews over the last 10 years, Dr. Diamond has found that most of these women have had relationships both with men and women.

"Most of them seem to lean one way or the other, but that doesn't preclude them from having a relationship with the nonpreferred sex," she said. "You may be mostly interested in women but, hey, the guy who delivers the pizza is really hot, and what are you going to do?"

"There's a whole lot of movement and flexibility," Dr. Diamond added. "The fact is, we have very little research in this area, and a lot to learn."

It's July!

I've not been posting. Have been rather busy and tired.

Managed to update my church's website and create a workshop page for orff-schulwerk association. and i'm planning for the fun day on 16 july...

Last year, i did live hosting for the family fun day. This year, i was asked to do live hosting again. but this time round, i'm going to do it differently. I'm going to do it Radio Style... I'm going to allow those who wants to be DJ to come and DJ and i'm going to invite some of my friends to come and host or co-host with me. I'm trying to get Irene Ang down as well, depending on her schedule...

I need people.. to do voice-overs, trailers, station liners as well as hosts/DJ.

if you are keen, do sms, call or email me... +65 94503999.

BPMC.INFO - that's the name of the radio station for that day. the same name as the website.. hehe...

till then, cya!

Mid-Week

It's Wednesday.

4 functions today. Very Tiring.

Good friend relationships can turn sour. It's happening to my friend. I'm concerned. Tired calling. No response. Keeping my fingers crossed. Prays.

Tomorrow's Nattie's concert. Still dunno who to go with.

Set up a new subsidary company of Film Five. Grace Talent Management. www.grace.info

Sleeping Time.

Durian Feast

Today had been a day of work in camp. At the same time, i managed to prevent getting arrows by staying inside my new store over at the mt line... well, not too good also, as one day, i'll be reported dead due to carbon monoxide intoxication... Poh Liang was in my store sleeping.. for almost an hour... Poor him, he didn't have a very good day...

Went out with him for dinner... We had Durians for dinner.. 9 Durians in total.. and he stopped eating first... making me the rubbish bin.. whahhaa....

I'm feeling very very guilty... durians... lotsa carbo and lotsa sugar...... argh... i should take a hypocount of myself now... guess it should be 24mmOl. whaha....

He was so cute when he bought dinner for his mum, thanking the food-seller trice, saying "Xie Xie Aunty"... Let me see.. i guess his reaction now if he reads this would be -_- or O.0... haha... Whoever has him as their boyfriend or partner would be very very very lucky and fortunate... Truely.

I touched my keyboard... Played it for about 30 mins... My my.. having not played with it for a month, and i've kinda lost touch. My fingers didn't know where to go to... haha.... Looked back at my Grade 1 music book... Hhmm... it was in 1996 then.... Whoa.. i've come a long way.... I obliged to teach poh liang how to play the piano.. haha... so i've to polish up a little before i can teach him.. if not wait very malu.. hahaha...

Anyway, time for bed...

Han River

Camp was as per normal today. Boring.

Went to cut my hair over at Vibes Hairdressing. They might be shifting soon as their lease ends in october.

Thereafter, i went to han river over at eastpoint for dinner. Met up with my old buddies from agape as well as xin mei quan dao aka pastor naomi. it has been 5 years since we last met her. She told us about south africa. she stays over at Cape Town and she's a PR there...

Ate lotsa food.... think i've overeaten as now my tummy's not feeling comfortable... sigh...

I hear someting calling... oh.. it's the bed... okie... it's bedtime... Goodnight...

Working and Sleeping on Sabbath

It's Sabbath again. Sabbath is a day for rest and worshipping God. I spent my Sabbath doing the former.

I received a call when i was window shopping with my parents at Parkway Parade's Giant hypermart in the evening from my nursing agency, Nicole. I've been givne an assignment to take care of an individual patient over at mount e hospital. I decided to take it. Well, actually i was hestitating as i was suppose to go over to happy to distribute the condoms from 11.30pm to 4am... but my mum asked me to do the assignment instead...

I halted window shopping and went back home to bathe and get changed into my uniform. It's been a long time since i last got into my private nursing uniform. The last time was about 2 to 3 months ago. My parents accompanied me over to the hospital. Actually, they brought me there as i didn't know the way there as i haven't been to that hospital before.

Nothing much happened through the night. All was peaceful. How i wish i can have these type of patients whenever i'm on call.. hahah... He hasn't been eating much therefore his bowel movement isn't a lot and he has ESRF aka End Stage Renal Failure... so he doesn't micurate aka pass urine.. so i didn't have to bother about him wetting the dipers.. hehe...

I knocked off at 8am and i headed home to sleep... I woke up only at 7pm and went for dinner at bedok south hawker center. Ate quite a fair share too...

Now i'm back and i'm feeling tired again... Why is this so? Am i turning into a baby therefore i need lotsa rest??? 11 hours a day?

Goodnight People... Look forward to another day. I do. It's going to be July soon. Yeah! And i'm so looking forward to April next year.. you should know the reason why... whahahha......

Cheerio!

It's Wednesday... Nopez, it's Thursday.

I've been thinking that today's still wednesday and am dreading that i've 2 more days before the weekend comes... And i only realised that today's thursday after i opened a loan voucher for someone, after that person pointed out to me that the date was wrong.... whahaha... well, am i living in history?

And even after that incident, i'm still living in wednesday... I totally forgot that i had a lighting workshop to attend until i was on the bus on my way home. it was too late then as the workshop starts at 7pm at cuppage and by the time i arrived at bedok, it was already 7.15pm.

I'm shifting my store tomorrow and i'm not looking forward to that. Tomorrow night i'll be going back to my own church as i heard that help is needed to "help the youth-at-risk" as they'll be visiting our church.. so ya... and since i've always been involved with youth-at-risks, i've been asked to volunteer..

i'm tired again.. i'm always feeling tired.. am i having premature ageing???

sob sob...

Batman

Didn't blog yesterday as i was so tired. Went out with most of the volunteers of the CABIN Club Camp. Had dinner at Fish and Co den went to Esplanade to walk walk.. reached home only at about 11 plus or so... was dead tired...

Went to wacth the movie Batman today.. quite ok i would say...

tomorrow's a rest day for me...

Cheers!

The Servant King

I ate the cake that i baked today. It didn't turn out that bad after all. I put a few pieces into a box and i'll be bringing it to camp tomorrow to share it with everyone and those who wants to eat... I'll be meeting up with the volunteers from the cabin club camp also... and i'll share with them also if there's any left...

And will i be known as the cake boy from milo boy?? whahahaha....

anyway, went to changi village with poh liang for lunch. Had chicken rice again. ok larz.. the chix rice there's not too bad.... quite nice actually... den ta-baoed for kenny nasi lemak and drinks.... and i bought biskuits also for myself to eat in camp... 2 packets of 200gms each.. and in a day, i've finsished 100gms.. whahha.. i'm such a pig... and also.. poh liang kena scratched by a cat.. he was playing with it, den the cat went bonkers and scratched him... his hand bled. oww.. must be painful...

anyway, just realised that one of the volunteers who went to the cabin club camp's aj too.. heheh.... we actually knew each other since november last year... haha.. it's such a small world...

Today's song for me....

This is our God, The Servant King,
He calls us now to follow Him.
To bring our lives, As a daily offering,
Of Worship to, The Servant King

Sabbath

It's Sabbath again.

I skipped church again today. I had planned to go to NCC's 4th service but had to attend the funeral of the serviceman who drowned.

Nothing much for today. Went to camp, den to mandai, back to camp, and now back home...

Goin to sleep soon.. feeling tired...

Tomorrow's monday. The weekend really flies... And i'm helping out to give out condoms again next saturday at Happy. Anyone wanna go Happy?? ahaha... I'll be there from 11.30pm to 4am...

Cheerio!

Baking a cake

I woke up at about 11.30am. Turned on my computer. Pop-ups of authorization for msn, all from CABIN Club Camp. And very soon, my list would be full again.. haha...

Had bowl noodles and a cup of hot chocolate for lunch. I baked a cake!

Queen cake. But i baked it wrongly... The correct steps...

Stir Butter(250gms) and Sugar(200gms). Add in 4 eggs, one at a time. Add in vanilla essence (1tsp) and baking powder(1tsp). Add in flour(200gms) and rasins (100gms). Den put inside oven to bake.

This was what happened and what i did...

Stir Butter(250gms) and flour(200gms). After realizing my mistake, i added in 3 eggs one at a time as i realized that i had only 3 eggs left in the fridge. 2 mistakes now. Then, added in the sugar (unsure of amount as i was already rather pissed off with myself and i couldn't find the weighing scale and just poured as to what seemed the right amount to me.) Added in vanilla essence(1tsp), baking powder(1tsp) and rasins(100gms) den put inside oven.

The aroma came out... What a nice smell... 25 minutes passed. I took it out.

To my surprise, it was nice... it's almost the same as mixing it with the original receipe. kewl....

So now, i've learnt a different method to bake a cake... yeah!

Met Myron in the evening for dinner. Treated him to ban mian... He's so grown up now. So much taller than me. But still needs lotsa guidance.

Now listening to: Tim Hughes - Here I Am To Worship. I used to listen to this song last time, and got bored of it. but now, i'm liking this song again...

Take care people. Have a good and Blessed Sabbath!

In Him,
Edgar MiRaNtZ Tan

It's Friday!

What comes after Friday? Yes, Saturday and Sunday!

Today has been a quick day. A tiring one too. Just after coming back from leave, i've had to set up refreshments for a meeting, to be ready by 7.45am all by myself... After completeing that, i went to the cookhouse to eat. Another way to save money. It's my usual morning routine in camp. Halfway through breakfast, i received a phone call. It was from Edmuind, the OC clerk. OC wanted to see me.. Went to see him and he said that my store's not in a satisfactory condition and wanted to inspect it again and pack the store together with me. We spent nearly 3 hours packing it and threw away many things including my comfortable armchair. Now, i've not even a single chair in my store. sob sob... And the store's now a big change. It's extremely neat. I've decided to spend monday to wash the store.. hehe...

I met up with my dad and treated him to dinner. Father's day treat for him. I didn't realize that sunday's father's day until my camp mates told me so. And i'm not really looking forward to sunday also. I've to go back to camp. Attached to SOF aka Special Operations Forces for a day, worse still, on a sunday. We'll be heading to Mandai Crematorium for the funeral for the rugular commando who passed away in a training mishap. Sources said that he drowned. Poor him. He looks handsome somemore.. And he's youth... His life's wasted. I hope that he's already been saved. I hope so. That'll be an eye opener actually. Military funeral. Wonder how grand it'll be.

CABIN Club Camp was fun. I had a good time interacting with the teens. And people missed me... rather, my milo.. whahaha... 1st day... Bonding... 2nd games.. i was in orchard mrt for 6 hours... imagine that.. 3rd day, end of camp... i dunno wad to type... actually, lazy larz..

i'm tired and feeling like sleeping liaoz.. haha....

anyway, could you guys tag on my tagboard? i feel so miserable after looking at people's blog and see that so many people tag their blogs and no one tags on mine... sob sob...

Ciaoz & God Bless!

P.S I'll be hosting for my church's fun day again.. hehe...

Post CABIN Camp

The CABIN Club's Camp has drawn to an end.

I'm tired. Turning into bed now.

Tell you guys more tomorrow.

Goodnight.

Dental Appointment

I went for my dental checkup over at selarang dental center today.

The dentist said that my teeth was good and he just did some scaling and done all over in the matter of 5 minutes.. My appointment was at 9.30am, I arrived at 9am, number called at 9.10am and was done by 9.15am... I had nothing to do as my off-pass "expires" only at 11am.. so i went to changi village instead... filled my stomach with food.... haha...

Went back to camp... had ration to do. didn't want to do and kenny also asked me to keep all amendments until wednesday.. he's away today so i had to do... but, twas urgent, therefore, i had no choice but to do it.. and oc scolded me for teh bunks... it was untidy... and dirty... well, it wasn't me who did it lorz... always kena arrow.. sigh...

anyway, i'm out of Hendon Camp for the next 3 days... I'll be in another camp. CABIN Club Camp.. hehe.. it's a camp for the secondary school teens... i'll be there as a facilitator... hope there'll be cuties and handsomes there.. hehehe...

will tell you more about the camp when i'm back.. so ya.. no need to check back on my blog for the next 2 days.. check back again on thursday night ba.. haha...

Hallelujah!

Sabbath + New Phone

Woke up only at about 11am... Turned on the pc and watched the City Harvest webcast from 11.30am all the way to about 1.15pm.

Then went to meet my friend, Raymond. He's a reformed Beng. That's just so nice... So happy for him.

Went to church as Joe was there and helped him with the video mixing.

Then went to have dinner with my parents over at the coffeeshop behind my block. Ate lots... haha....

And now i've a new phone.. hehe... Nokia 3120... That'll be used for my sms... hehe...

Den now back at home.. am tired so will be sleeping early, i guess.

Now listening to the Album which i bought. Hillsongs + Delirious¿. The song Majesty...


Here i am, humbled by Your Majesty, covered by Your grace so free.
Here i am, knowing i'm a sinful man, covered by the blood of the Lamb.
Now i've found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.
Majesty, Majesty.
Your grace has found me just as i am, empty handed but alive in Your hands.
Majesty, Majesty.
Forever i am changed by Your love, in the presence of Your Majesty
Here i stand humbled by the loave You give, forgiven so that i can forgive.
Here i stand, knowing that i'm Your desire, sanctified by glory and fire.
And now i've found the greatest love of all is mine, since You laid down Your life, the greatest sacrifice.

Great Day!

Today had been a wonderful day.

Went to watch PCK Musical in the afternoon and den went to perform in front of a 3000 strong crowd...

The PCK Musicial was a flop. Wrong location. Singapore Indoor Staidum's too big a place and all the children wasn't very cooperative... there was acoustic feedback througout the whole performace, even after the intermission. my my.. that's bad... for the cast, directors, set deisgners, kudos! they did a perfect job. the music was good. so was the acting. the energy level was there... pronouncation, inouncation, articulation was all there. very well done. but, dun bother going to see it... i was sitting at the $85 seat and the stage was so far away... everyone looked like smurfs on stage....

At night, was good fabulous. Performed in a huge hall with the ministers sitting in front of me.. the PM, SM, MM and DPM's was sitting under my nose... whoa.. that's really very very close... how i loved that moment when i could see them laugh and smile.

All of us broke our legs...

And guys, Tim's grandfather's had a puncture in his heart. Please pray for him, even you dunno who it is, can still pray ritez? i'm not sure if he's already received Christ, but we can pray for His salvation just in case.

Cheers all and Goodnight!

"As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

Money In, Money Out

I've just received my NS allowance... S$387 and it's now gone by almost half!

Today was a rather fine day. After camp, i rushed over to suntec... rehearsals for tomorrow's performance...

I'll be performing at tomorrow's CCC 40th Anniversary Dinner organized by the People's Association. Suntec convention halls 601 and 602. that's big... imagine 300 tables and that makes 3000 people in all... Is that the biggest to date that i've performed in??? let me see.. FOC in 2002 was over at Singapore Indoor Stadium and i dunno how big the crowd was... but it was full house... so i guess that was still bigger than this... okie... coming to think of it now, it's boring~~~

But, now it's different. I'm performing alongside with artists.... Patrica Mok(she's pretty off screen and her english was better than i expected), Tony Quek (he still remembers me.. hehe...), Jimmy T (he's so handsome...), Beatrice Chia (not as fabulous as i expected), Koh Cheng Mun (she's the almost the same height as i am, or maybe shorter) and a few others who i dunno the name but common faces... The guest of honor would be Lee Hsien Loong... so very tight secruity checks tomorrow, so wil have to bring IC.. and was enforced to us many times...

and tomorrow i'm going to watch the PCK Musicial... hope it would be nice.... Sponsored Tickets worth $85... and it's good seats.. hehe....

as i was saying... money came in... but it went out as fast as it came in... i bought 2 CD's just now... One is Hillongs & Delirious Live Worship CD and another is The Best Worship Songs Ever... hehe.... Now currently playing the former album... and it's quite nice...

anyway, i'm tired.. blog more tomrrow.. i hope.. tomororw will be a long day again... going to do video editing in church at 8am.. den musicial at 3pm and den off to suntec for the performance at 7pm....

Cheers!

Yawnz~~~

Steps In Overcoming Masturbation

Today has been quite a ok day... nth much to talk about...

I came across this post in one of my forums.. decided to share it with all of you...

Guys, if you decide to give it a try, do tell me if it works.. just pm me, email me or just tell me... i won't tell it to anyone else..

Cheers!


[START OF QUOTED POST]

A friend a mine who had been a Mormon missionary came across this
"guide," circa 1970, on tattered photocopy.  In fact, the pages
were stuck together.

Anyway, we were so amused by it (esp. "Suggestion 19"), I thought
it deserved a wider audience.

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

                           Mark E. Petersen
                      Council of the 12 Apostles


        Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty.  Many have been,
both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

        This determination is the first step.  That is where we begin.  You
must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision,
the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

        But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it
is good for you.  It must be actually a DECISION.  If you truly make up your
mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any
tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

        After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific
guidelines:



                       A Guide to Self-Control:

    1.  Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during
        normal toilet processes.

    2.  Avoid being alone as much as possible.  Find good company
        and stay in this good company.

    3.  If you are associated with other persons having this same
        problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP.  Never
        associate with other people having the same weakness.  Don't
        suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will.
        You must get away from people of that kind.  Just to be in
        their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.
        The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where
        it really exists.  Your mind must be on other and more
        wholesome things.

    4.  When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.  Never
        stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long
        enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE
        BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your
        family present.

    5.  When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the
        most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you
        cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would
        be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those
        clothes.  By the time you started to remove protective
        clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your
        thinking that the temptation would leave you.

    6.  If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed,
        GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A
        SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if
        you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining
        weight.  The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET
        YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE.  You are the subject of your
        thoughts, so to speak.

    7.  Never read pornographic material.  Never read about your
        problem.  Keep it out of mind.  Remember -- "First a
        thought, then an act."
                The thought pattern must be changed.  You must not
        allow this problem to remain in your mid.  When you
        accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

    8.  Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times.  Read
        good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the
        Brethern [sic, Cistern too?].  Make a daily habit of reading
        at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the
        four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon.  The
        four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above
        anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their
        uplifting qualities.

    9.  Pray.  But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for
        that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever.  Pray
        for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray
        for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends,
        your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT
        MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT
        IN YOUR PRAYERS.  KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind!



        The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how
easy it is to overcome.  It is essential that a firm commitment be made to
control the habit.  As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and
is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the
act, he develops the power to control it.

        We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean
so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us.  Masturbation is a sinful habit
that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress.  It is not
physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is
totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of
the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes.  It therefore
separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.

        This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect
testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become
burdensome, offerins.

        To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a
brieation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function.

        The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions
of reproductive cells call _spermatozoa_.  These are moved up a tube called the
_vas deferens_ to a place called the _ampulla_ where they are mixed with fluids
from two membranous pouches called _seminal vesicles_ and the _prostate gland_.
 The resultant fluid is calleeminal vesicles are full a signa to the _central
nervous system_ indicating they are ready to benother, depending on such
thingsexercise, state of health, etc. everal times a week, for others
        It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night
durise the emptying come from the cetral nervous system. Often an erotic dream
is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. nstead
ourse, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to
keep up with the loss of semen.  When he stops the habit, the body will
continue to produce ahis increased rate, for an indefese are not harmful and
are to be endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of rel
        During this period of control several things can be done to make the pr
       As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming
masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is essential that a
regur report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures
understood and eliminated.


                             Suggestions:

    1.  Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will
        strengthen you against temptation.  Pray fervently and out
        lout when the temptations are the strongest.

    2.  Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise.  The exercises
        reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely
        basic to the solution of this problem.  Double your physical
        activity when you feel stress increasing.

    3.  When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_ to
        those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then
        recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn.
        It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish
        need to indulge.

    4.  Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week,
        month, year and finally commit to never doing it again.
        Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be
        open to temptation.

    5.  Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved
        through a changed self-image.  Spend time every day
        imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming
        tempting situations.

    6.  Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program.  Relate
        this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your
        relationships with your family, God and others.  Strive to
        enhance your strengths and talents.

    7.  Be outgoing and friendly.  Force yourself to be with others
        and learn to enjoy working and talking to them.  Use
        principles of developing friendships found in books such as
        _How to Win Friends and Influence People_ by Dale Carnegie.

    8.  Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to
        feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged.  These
        emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a
        way of escape.  Plan in advance to counter these low periods
        through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting
        a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

    9.  Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card.  Carry
        it with you, but show it to no one.  If you have a lapse of
        self control, color the day black.  Your goal will be to
        have _no black days_.   The calendar becomes a strong visual
        reminder of self control and should be looked at when you
        are tempted to add another black day.  Keep your calendar up
        until you have at least three clear months.

   10.  A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at
        certain times and under certain conditions.  Try and recall,
        in detail, what your particular times and conditions were.
        Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the
        pattern through counter activities.

   11.  In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective
        technique called _aversion therapy_.  When we associate
        or think of something very distasteful with something which has
        been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought
        and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was
        pleasurable.  If you associate something very distasteful
        with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the
        act.  For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think
        of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of
        them as you do the act.

   12.  During your toileting and shower activities leave the
        bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage
        being alone in total privacy.  Take cool brief showers.

   13.  Arise immediately in the mornings.  Do not lie in bed awake,
        no matter what time of day it is.  Get up and do something.
        Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

   14.  Keep your bladder empty.  Refrain from drinking large
        amounts of fluids before retiring.

   15.  Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food.
        Eat as lightly as possible at night.

   16.  Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and
        not binding.

   17.  Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that
        might create sexual excitement.

   18.  It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use
        in overcoming this problem.  A Book of Mormon, firmly held in
        hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme
        cases.

   19.  In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to
        the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of
        masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken.  This
        can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of
        clothing which would be difficult to remove while half
        asleep.

   20.  Set up a reward system for your successes.  It does not have
        to be a big reward.  A quarter in a receptacle each time you
        overcome or reach a goal.  Spend it on something which
        delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your
        progress.

   21.  Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude
        patterns which were part of your problem.  _Satan Never Gives
        Up_.  Be calmly and confidently on guard.  Keep a positive
        mental attitude.  You can win this fight!  The joy and
        strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life
        a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Tired

I'm tired again... dunno why.. even though i've been slacking in the bunk after like 12 noon... nth much 4 today... nth 2 tok abt. just tat i had bfast 2day wif pL. and den no lunch today and had a big dinner wif my mum.

anyway, the bed's calling me...


Nitez...

F.I.R Tickets up for graps!

Today has been a relaxed day. All thanks to the cancellation of Party 5.

Did nothing much in camp in the morning and in the afternoon, went to shift my OC's safe from the old office to the new office.. Boy, it took us more than an hour and 6 persons and our CSM to shift it... Imagine how heavy and big it is... Well, it's not big, but it's very heavy.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Thank you for your participation in SingNet's F.I.R Contest!

You have won for yourself a pair of tickets to the exclusive F.I.R showcase at IMM on 12 June 2005, 4pm.

But the thing is that i'm not interested in it... So i'm giving the pair of tickets away. If you're interested, please give me a call on my mobile. Before doing that, please ensure that you are able to attend it. I do not want the tickets to go to waste. Others can benefit from it... Get what i mean?

I'm still feeling moody. Not sure why. Maybe it's because i'm just lonely. I need a partner.

Ryan and Joel had a quarrel. That's sad. Why so childish? Hope it'll just blow over.

Ryan's upset and it saddens me to see him upset.

Dear God, Ryan's upset. Please cheer him up. Lord, Bless him and his family as well as those whom he comes in contact with. Lord, i pray that you'll use him as a blessing to others. Lord, i pray for the community. People need the You. My friends need You. I need You. I pray for those whom doesn't know You that one day, they'll get to know Your almighty powers and what You can do their lives. Holy Spirit, enter the lives of men. Enter into the lives of those who has not known you. Touch them Holy Spirit. You have said, those who are weary to come to You. Jesus, lead them to You. Make me a servant. I wanna serve you. Thank you Father for all my friends. Thank you for Ryan, Natty, Joel, Ally and lots more. I also thank you for Poh Liang, Terry and Kenny. I'm sure that You've put them in place where you want them to belong. I ask that Lord you will Empower them and fill them until their cup overflows. Lord, i'm lonely. I need a partner. I pray and ask that You will get me the right partner, the one that You desire to be with me. I do not ask for more Lord. Lead me and i'll follow. I will try my utmost best to trust and obey. Holy Spirit, i pray that you will guide me in the Father's path and that God, You will give me whatever You want me to get. I ask and pray of all these, in the name of my dear Jesus, the one who died to pay for my sins. Amen.

It's time to sleep. Finally an early night.

Goodnight all. Wish me luck.

PMS

I'm having my PMS today. Dunno why... but just feeling stoned.

Woke up late and didn't go to church again. instead, was watching the live webcast of City Harvest's service..

den i left for ryan's house.. and when i arrived, he wasn't at home and he was with joel over at compass point.. made a wasted trip.... so i left for the office.

at the office, was also stoned. did some planning until kiwi came. ryan and joel was late... joel left his bag at ryan's house...

kiwi did dance with all the talent trainees. the talent trainees were good. they picked up almost the whole dance song in just 2 sessions! amazing. joel was better still. he picked up half the dance in a session and was one of the best inside the classroom. that's called having the basics of dance.

had dinner with kiwi, joel, ryan, natt and steph at hougang mall and den went hme...

until now, i'm still not my usual self. my thoughts are very disorganized and i'm very luan.

sleeep time. Nitez guys.

Goodnight Daddy God!

Party 5 Cancelled

Party 5's Cancelled.

Wilson, our ops manager was asked to leave by Joe... Twas kinda tough decision to make as i had lotsa things in my mind and all that.

but at least, one load's gone...

clement's handsome... 2 bad he's straight. he came to my house 1day and i passed him some of my magic tricks... he showed me some of his and i was impressed. wish he was gay.. well, maybe i can get him 2 b a bi.. haha.... well, like wad joel said, who knows? i believe i can if i try... maybe just a oral job for him and he'll turn into a bi?? haha... oops... i'm so bad.. not supposed to have sex unless i have a partner... i must continue to be a non-practising gay...

God, Thank you 4 2day... i love You God!

and i'm tired. going to sleep now...

Nitez all~~~

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.”

--

This poem reminded me of the Lord when he's always been carrying me in times when i've been through everything. Through it all. He has helped me.

I'm single and i'm lonely. Why do i look to humanly figures? Why do i not look to God instead? Isn't the Lord calling me? He is. The Holy Spirit is leading the way. But, sadly, i'm not following. Why is this so?

We all dwell on the earthly riches. Have we forgotten about the riches that the Lord our God has in store for us in Heaven? He's waiting for me in open arms... I'm ashamed to look at Him.

Why do we humans fail in some of the things that we do? I suppose it's because we do not pray nor do we listen to what he says. Life can be very hectic. But do we spend just a few minutes with Him?

I was very heart broken last night. After switching off my pc, i laid down on my bed. I felt so much like crying. i had lost the other half of my heart. The person who took it away isn't going to return my heart back to me anymore. Nor can i have his heart to fill it in my place. God touched me. I prayed to the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, Cover me. Lead me, Guide me, Use me, Mould me. I've fallen short from the glory of God. I need God badly in my life. Even if i have his heart or he returns me my heart, it would still be empty... It's not empty, but, to a certain extent, i do not see why it's full. The Holy Spirit is there but i'm not seeing him. I'm not paying attention to it, therefore, i deem it as the empty space.

All of us need God. The Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Are you still pulling back? Are we doing things according to our own will? Are we depending on God? Are we consulting God? Are we listening to him? Are we even giving him the precious time to communicate with us? Are we having communion with God?

Jesus, Come into my Life once again. I need You. I want to spend time with You. I want to cherish every moment with You. Lord, i have chucked you aside for a long time. I've not been consulting you. I've been doing things on my own will and not praying and waiting for your answer.

I'm sorry Father Lord. I gladly and proudly call you My Daddy God. My Father God.

I LOVE YOU DADDY GOD! I LOVE YOU ABBA FATHER!

I'm Blessed. And so are you, who is reading this blog now. No matter what your religion is, MY DADDY GOD LOVES YOU!

Blessed!

ArgH~~~~~ HeArt B r e a k . . .

I just found out that the person i like proposed to someone else to date him.... argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and also.. he's dating a number of people at a time and will choose to see which is the best.....
argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that his partner can't go irc,no aj contacts so and so forth....
argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
with me holding so many commitments and appointments, how can i just leave them without getting the people to replace me???

And.. he's also not interested in me...
argh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sigh....

My heart's shattered.... It's broken...

I wonder if it can be pieced back together again....

It's so ItChY~~~

Everywhere's so itchy... My face, my body, my arms, my hands, my legs, my feet... Luckily my groin's not affected...

And all thanks to a Drug Allergy Reaction. I went to the GP on thrusday and was given 2 days of mc as i was sick. I was prescribed 4 types of medication. Paraceptemol aka panadol was amongst them. my my.. that's such a common drug and i'm allergic to it... well, actually, i just suspected one of them.. but the doctor at the polyclinic said that it's one of them or might even be all of them.. so now i'm not only allergic to 1 type of medciation, but 4 types of medication... sigh...

and the itch's killing me... the rash's too... it's like even now wen i'm typing this blog entry, my hands are a little numb.. due to teh scratching... but i can't help it... it's so itchy.. prickily heat powder aka snake powder helps... for a short while... i suppose tat i would use up the whole container very soon.... and my whole body's pain when i bathe.. especially when there's soap... imagine all the broken skin all over my whole body....

i've no mood to work and i'm just spending my whole time on bed resting. and when i can't sleep, i would just be tossing and turning in bed. i'm unable even to concentrate on the stuffs that i'm doing. telephone conversations are difficult also as i'm always distracted scratching my body and sometimes i would not be listening to what the other party is saying.. and when i'm talking, i always have long breaks... concentrating on my itchiness and scratching and trying to talk at the same time... men are poor multi-taskers... therefore, you can tell that this scratching of mine is not a simple one.. you really have to concentrate and scratch... sigh...

i'm on another 2 days of mc. i hope the itch gets much better tomorrow. but i suppose i wounldn't be going out tomorrow as well as i wouldn't want to leave my house... okie larz.. leaving the house for meals around the estate isn't that bad... but orchard road and to office... nah... i'll just be staying at home tomorrow and sleep again.. and hoepfully i would be able to do my work.. where are all my sponsors for the party?? grrr... we're like about 2 weeks away from the party and we've not even got an official sponsor yet.. i've calculated... if i've no sponsors, i'll just be able to breakeven merely from the sales of the tickets and not make any profit. which means that my deficit will carry on...

anyway, it's dinner time.. i'm going to have dinner with my family now...

Cheers!

Managing People

It's not easy managing people... and co-ordinating people...

you have 6 people to take care of and have to get all of them to come for the trainings. and some can't make it here and some can't make it there... and once after everything is confirmed.. the trainers can't make it and all that.... how???

or should i just scrape away with the performers and just have a small group?

well, it's all giving me a bigger headache now... and the sponsors for the party.. all still taking so long to reply... managing staff is also difficult..

and my mum's another irritant... my dad emailed me this morning saying that he wasn't able to sleep well as he was being fired by my mum teh whoel night... and to think that my mum fires me in the day... i really wonder why there's so much gunpowder??? doesn't it finish??

grrr... i didn't go to teh office yesterday... i'm meetin the breakdancer later at the office, si i'll definately have to go down... and i'm croaking liek a frog..

will blog later if i have the time to...

btw, i just did up my dad's company's website... www.radiantandassociates.com

cheers!

Sick

I'm sick... Went to the GP and managed to get 2 days of MC.. haha...

I'm down with a cold... (and the weather's so hott) Blocked and runny nose.... Sore throat and cough... I guess i've overworked myself... but how can i not? Or, maybe i should just suspend it. Stop it right here and lose the money spent on everything.. the rent for the year of office (actually not as i can convert it to my 2nd home) and just just loss for party 5...

It's a very tough decision that i've to make here....

My mum's nagging and all that.. i can even hear her nagging with my door closed and my music blasting... should i just run away from home and shift over to my office? nopez... an unwise decision. or just stay in camp?? nopez.. unwise decision... think i should just stay put at home and just bear with her nagging... or should i say, shouting...

My modem for broadband for the office has arrive.. finally i need not use dial up in teh office and waste the phone bills...

should i go the office later?? maybe i should, for a little while to indulge the quiet place without the someone shouting... and at least i can surf the net too~~~

and i'm on a budget.. that funnie lady cut off my allowances... :(

will repost tonight if i'm free again...

Falling Sick

It has been busy in Army... Shifting of office... luckily the same floor and not like from 2nd to 1st or to 3rd which is worse.... den this morning raining cats and dogs also...

Ate chicken rice at the swimming pool canteen for the first time and it was rather nice.. haha...

I had to go office to conduct a brefing... went quite well...

but.. i'm falling sick.... blocked nose for the past week and today, sore throat and feeling a little feverish... if it still persists tomorrow, den will have to go see doctor liaoz....

and the office still dun have broadband... actually, line's activated but modem still not delievered.. actually delievered, but failed twice... once wrong location, 2nd mum feel asleep whiel waiting and so now must wait till 2mororw for them to deliever...

and stoopid MDIS called my hse to inform that i didn't attend classes... and i got a screwing from my mum... grrr...

And worse of all, i'm still single... it's not the status that's bothering me... but it's tat my heart is still stolen by tat same guy who refuses to give me his.. haha.... why am i still waiting? i dunno...

i just like him.. i dunno why.. maybe it's coz of his attributes??? sigh...

He sent to me the song by britney, everyday... and listening to that song, how i wish tat i can have tat song specially for him... the worst part is that i dunno how he feels about me.. and also if he's ready for anotehr relationship...

wen will this end? i do not know... will i keep waiting?? i dunno... will the heart die?? i dunno... but if one day after a few months and he wants me, will i want him? yes, i do... and how i wish i can just ask him if i can actually have his heart to fill my emppty space in my heart... and the answer from him is, yes, i do....

are these just dreams? well, maybe i can continue to dream on... or maybe it'll just come true.. i dunno...

i was asked.. what if he justs go stead with me, just to make me happy, den maybe have sex, and break off after 2 weeks... how would i feel.. it all depends... what's the reason for breaking off... isit coz the love died? or these's no love??? or he was cheating on me??? but well, i will just respect, honor, obey, follow and try as much as i can to do what he wants...

i love him... it's kinda of like so far yet so near... arghh... torture emotionally???

signing off...

Goodnight everyone.. And to him too..

HUrts

i'm hurt....

well, it seems that i should just seperate work for my personal life.. sigh...

but can i?

it is difficult.

should i just give up or just suffer in silence?

i think i should just hold on to it.

i'm not sure if i would be able to take it with all these stress and all the piling workload esp. with all the finances burden...

burden of the heart... the company... of army... sigh... i dread it.. what can i do? nothing.

i just feel like quitting everything.

i should not.

well, i'm just confused and hurt. hopefully after a night of rest, rather, 4 hours of rest, i would feel better.

just push on mirantz...

and love hurts always...

but you wun mind if he is the one who hurts you, but you still get hurt....

well, push it to the limit!

Server Down AGAIN

RegisterFly.com - One of the world's best provider of domain registration service.

But, the server crashed again... It crashed the first time yesterday...

Should i just purchase a server?? haha...

Anyway, I was at home the whole day... The person whom i was supposed to meet couldn't make it as he had to watch a movie with his uncle and his brother... sigh...

but neverthelss, i would be meeting him again tomrorw.. hehe... yeah~~ i hope he doesn't dissappoint me again...

Sponsor's letter is one day late.. sigh....

turning in soon...

Love ya... but dunno if you even like me a not... :(

$$$ Money & Mice loving the Big grain of rice

Why do need money? Why is there such a thing known as money? Withour MOney, our lives would be so miserable...

My heart's empty again... Hika from the chat channel #plu was so kind to send me this song when i asked him if he had it.. He didn't and took the trouble to download it for me..

Lau Shu Ai Da Mi... I kept listening to the song.. and I how i wish i could actually sing this song to the person who's my heart is with now, but the thing is that, his heart is not with me...

Wo ai ni, ai che di, jiu siang lau shu ai da mi.... bu guai you duo shao feng yu wo hui yi yang pei che ni... wo xiang ni, xiang che ni, bu guan you duo mo de ku, zi yao nen rang ni kai xi, wo sem mo dou yuan yi, che yang ai ni...

My chinese is poor. and it's very poor so please don't blame me if there are any errors... I took 10 minutes just to listen to that chorus and write it down.. so ya... don't complain... only the guy who had stolen my heart can.. haha...

I love you, Loving you, Just like mice liking a big grain of rice... No matter how much wind and rain i will still accompany you... I think of you, thinking of you, no matter how tough is it, as long as you can be happy, i will be willing for anything, just loving you.... My sentence construction is equally as bad....

well, i'm just hoping that the guy who stole my heart would just chance upon this... and i wonderwhat he'll do... will he give me his heart also so that my other half,, which is currently empty would be filled???

I Love You, Sweetheart...

Post-Chalet

It's been a long time since i've last written. Life's been very hectic and busy for me. I'm on the verge of falling really ill. All these due to lack of sleep, stress and all that...

I just checked-out from the chalet. 3 days and 2 nights over at Costa Sands Pasir Ris.
Wasn't really fun as we didn't had much people over. And it all narrows down to my mum. This cannot and that cannot.. So Fussy~~~ And i've learnt not to bring mums out to any chalet's that you're organzing.. They'll just spoil everything for you, thinking it's for your good... Yar.. Right.... -_-||

Managed to get 19 people to come for the auditions. Sigh... A loss again. Deficit of about 1\3 of the expences.. sigh...

And my heart... has been stolen by someone.. and i'm wondering how i can get my heart back... or would that someone even give me his heart??? I'm longing for it though... but i dunno... it seems that the chances are slim...

I sound so despo.. Is it because i've been single for such a long time? Or do i just need someone to love and care for and getting something in return? Why are guys so hard to find? Why am i Fat? Why? One Sided Love? WHy? Life is a journey where they are ful of Y's. I wonder when i can get my partner's heart... sigh...

Lonely and Despo.............

Sunday

I pontang church today.. woke up only at about 1pm.. did my dad's website and corporate profile for Film 5.

and until now, i'm still chasing my dad for all the info needed for his web.

Terry's volunteered to be the webdesigner for film five's website.. at least no more black and white.. haha...Thank You Terry!

Audition's coming up in about 2 weeks time and i'm not sure how the response is. I'm very afraid that it's going to be poor. sent out emails and snail mails to 38 schools (secondary schools, ite, jc, poly) and only 1 replied... TP.. saying that they'll forward the email to all their students... wonder how true that is... i certainly hope that i will not be sitting inside the room wacking flies... sigh...

hope everything goes well. Meeting Ryan 2morrow... i might want him to be the musical director of ffp as i don't see much input and commitment from the current one.. sigh...

Ciaoz.

It's past midnight

It's past midnight. I'm still not sleeping. I'm tired.

I've been tired for days. Stress...

Well, time to sleep.

Alpha Weekend - For publication in Oikos on 10 April 2005.

The
Alpha Weekend was certainly an event that created an impact in people’s life.
Not only did it change the lives of the many people who went, lessons were also
learnt.

After
a short prayer in church, we boarded the bus and headed to Malaysia. We were all
relieved, as there wasn’t any jam along the causeway. After clearing the
Malaysian customs, Anthony boarded the bus to put his laptop and went down again
to guide the participants of the Alpha Course up to the bus. 
An Indian man dressed like a tourist guide walked up the bus and headed
straight to the centre of the bus and sat down. At first I thought that the
tourist guide just sat down wherever he wanted as his job was just to accompany
us to the resort. A few moments later, he got out of the seat and alighted the
bus saying that he boarded the wrong bus. Little did it dawn on me that he was a
professional thief! Anthony discovered that his laptop bag had been swooped.
Upon examination, the bag that the thief had left contained a 1.5liter bottle
filled with water just to give it the weight. Oh how smart of the thief.

All
of us panicked. Some prayed. Some went looking for the Indian guy. Some went up
other coaches to check if Anthony had accidentally placed the bag in another
coach. I was thinking on how I could actually miss the guy when I was sitting on
the front seat. The Alpha VCD’s were in the bag and the laptop contained all
the information needed for the Alpha Weekend.

We
contacted Lawrence Oliverio who then managed to get in touch with RiverLife
church. They lent their whole stack of Alpha VCD’s to us even though they
didn’t even know who we were. Isn’t that amazing? And Lawrence took the
trouble to drive all the way down to Tanjung Puteri to pass us the stack of
VCD’s.

Meanwhile,
over at Tanjung Puteri itself, everyone was having their welcome tea. I was
setting up my own notebook that I brought along, for the first session of the
worship and video. I wasn’t able to open the file! All the files for the
weekend were corrupted. I was totally astonished! But, Richard managed to get a
backup for me and we proceeded with worship. Thereafter, Elder Woon Chin Teng
spoke in place of the stolen VCD’s.

While
we were enjoying the sumptuous spread of lunch, Lawrence arrived to pass us the
stack of VCD’s. What a relief. We were all glad that we would be able to
continue our weekend as planned. We prayed that nothing would now hinder us from
bringing all of us a step closer to Him.

Saturday
afternoon was a time where everyone had their own free time. Families spent time
building bonds with each other and I believed everyone already had themselves
relaxed and their minds away from work. Isn’t that good as everyone would be
able to concentrate only on God

We
had a fabulous dinner and the 2^nd part of worship as well as the
Alpha Video. The participants were divided into 2 groups for the discussions. A
separate children’s program was also planned and they had lots of fun doing
their artwork.

The
day came to an end and Sabbath came as immediate as Saturday ended. Sunday
service was the same, just that it was Jingle leading and playing the piano with
a backup singer. What a spirit-filled worship everyone had.

The
weekend came to a close. Everyone must be tired by then.

2
ladies and 1 guy accepted the Lord, many others opened significantly and there
were some re-dedications as well over the weekend. Rejoice!

The
Alpha Weekend is a good reminder to all of us that no matter what happens, God
is with us always. Satan shall never out-rule us. And in whatever situation we
may face, Pray before panicking.

Cheers!

MiRaNtZ

(Mirantz
went to Alpha 7 as a videographer on assignment.)

Back from Malaysia

The Alpha Weekend was indeed an event that created an impact in people's life. Not only did it change people's life, it is also a lesson for all of us. This is a true event that happened...

On Saturday morning on the way to malaysia, after the malaysian customs, i boarded the coach that would be bringing us to the golf resort where the weekend would be held. One of my church members went up the bus to put his laptop and then down to have a stretch. I was sitting at the front seat of the bus. A chubby indian man came up the bus. He was wearing a blue flowery shirt and i thought that he was the tourist guide. He walked to the middle of the bus and sat there. I thought to myself, maybe the guide would just be accompanying the bus, therefore, he didn't bother about taking the front seat. Shortly after, he stood up and walked out of the bus saying at the same time that he boarded the wrong bus. My church member boarded the bus and realised that his laptop bag was different. he held it up and upon further examination, found that it was different. When he opened it, it contained only a 1.5 liter water bottle filled with water. The indian man stole the laptop. The professional thief was never found.

That's a reminder. Never leave your belongings unattended especially in Malaysia.

I'm on off today, wednesday and friday.. Boy, how nice is it... how i wish that i could be on off 3 days a week for my whole ns life...

Cheers!