I believe in Jesus

Title of this post is such as the lyrics of the song I'm listening to now is such.

The day after i started ignoring someone, i received a message that they had parted ways, and would remain only as friends. This left my thinking.

Watched Just Sebastian last night at the Esplanade Recital Studio with Sennie. It was quite ok. Jeremy was supposed to meet us at the door at 10.30pm, but he was late as usual. We proceeded to the new club, Play. It was bad. Music was horrendous as well. If they dun change their music, i guess they need not renovate the place as even after they renovate, no one would go...

Met Nikki and her boyfriend inside Play. Since it was so bad, i proceed to Mox with Sennie and Jeremy and Nikki joined us thereafter. And we headed to Maxwell shortly with Nikki's other-half tagging along. Nikki went home and Sennie and I sent Jeremy to Andrew's house. He fell asleep rather soon. Not sure how true that is as he didn't even answer my calls or smses. Sennie and I walked around the city and i reached home and slept only at 8.30am.

It's my mum's birthday today. I was supposed to have a dinner with my parents at my friend's place as well as a appointment with Shahril, my ITE classmate at 2.30pm. Dinner was from Amici. My friend's son opens an upmarket Italian restaraunt with an outlet at Holland Village and Tanjong Pagar. Since i slept only at 8.30am, i pushed the appointment back to 4pm. And I had to cancel the appointment with him as Jeremy wanted to meet me to cut his hair at Bedok as well as for dinner. He arrived home at 4pm and wanted to nap till 6pm. It was fine with me. I called him at 6pm, 6.10pm, 6.16pm and 7pm. No answered. Alas, i knew that i had wasted my day on him. Now, everything's gone just because of 1 person. I should have left the house and headed down to Bishan at 6pm when my dad smsed me asking if i really didn't want to join them intsead of me waiting for him. That's just how foolish i am all because of someone who's always late.

He smsed me at 8.45pm with Sorry. Can it be undone? It just seems that being late, but about 20mins to 30 mins is just a norm for someone. So what if his clock is 20 mins faster? It's of no use. The mind thinks to itself that it's ok as the clock's fast and therefore, you're back to square 1.

He wanted to meet me again tomorrow. I declined as he still had his research to do. He's already failed one of his tests, getting a 9/20 mark. I wouldn't want to be blamed for him not doing well. And besides, there's no use of me meeting him. Let's say, if we were to meet say for dinner, for 2 hours, the actual time spent would only about for 1.5 hours as 30 mins would be wasted on waiting for him. What's the use? I would rather spend the 30 mins doing someone more productive and useful.

I'm not sure of my plans tomorrow. Today has gone down the drain and i have a feeling that tomorrow will go down the drain as well.

My last meal's at 2am at Maxwell early this morning. It's back to my cereals now. I'm famished.

I pity myself for getting into all this shit. Self pity.

Roller Coaster Ride

Let's recap. Last Saturday, Nikki, Eejin(Nikki's boiyfriend), James, Jeremy and I went to JB for dinner. We had Kang Kong, Kai Lan, Black Pepper Crab, Chilli Crab, Bao, Cereal Prawns, Hot Plate Toufu, Stingray and 1 coconut. It cost each person only SGD$16. Is that cheap? I think so... Before that, we were at City Square's having cakes and it was heavenly. haha... And it's cheap also... We went to Taboo thereafter and Jeremy got hooked up this australian guy. They kissed and kissed. Jeremy seem to like it lots... And for his safety, i had to drag him out and send him home.

Sunday - nothing. Went to Chomp Chomp Hawker Center for dinner with Jeremy and Marcus. Had Satay Bee Hoon, Satay and Sugarcane Juice. If kennie was there, i'm sure he would have enjoyed it. Thereafter, we proceed to Jeremy's house. I found out that Jeremy's dad used to be a nurse as well - as he had nursing books in his room. Marcus and Jeremy began hugging and such on bed. I was feeling very uncomfortable then and so I just used Jeremy's Mac to surf Trevvy and clear my emails. I nearly missed the last bus home. Thanks to the new bus service, 45.

Today, I met both of them for dinner again. It really hurts me very very much to see a couple, even though unofficial, to be so sweet, close and intimate with each other. It's not jealousy but envy. My heart ached. All the thought about Singlehood and Loneliness flooded my mind.

I've decided to keep a distance and stay away from Jeremy for the time being till I've settled down - say about a month or so. I'm not sure how long i'll take. Jeremy cried when i told him over the phone last nite about it. Am i just being selfish? I think i'm not. He's just losing me, a friend, temporarily. He still has someone's love. What about myself? I'm parting from him and I've no one to love me. Well, what about Kennie??? I simply do not know. I feel so much that it's like a single-sided love. Does he love me? Does he even like me? I do not know. Shittt... I'm crying and my tears are just rolling down non-stop and i'm really sobbing... Imagine loving someone with all your heart, soul and mind that that someone is just not being responsive. It really hurts. My heart aches...

I've been playing christian music in office the whole day and i started reading my bible this evening. I just need someone. Does Jesus help? Yes, i know He will and there's no doubt about that. But still, i need someone physical. It just really hurts and pains my heart...

Oh Lord You've searched me,
You know my way.
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.
Your holy presence surrounding me,
In every season I know You love me.
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There's no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now.

You go before me,
You shed my way,
Your hand upholds me,
I know You love me.

You tore the veil, You made a way,
When You said that it is done.
And when the earth fades, falls from my eyes,
And you stand before me I know You love me,
I know You love me.

I love you, Kenneth.

Third week of January 2007

How time flies. It's already the third week of January 2007. Nothing much productive has been done this week. Went for a Brave photoshoot on Tuesday and managed to take the Sentosa Express - on its second day of operations. It's quite ok and nice la...

Went to Lennel's house on Wednesday night to watch the movie 15 by Roystan Tan and also Jack Ass 2. Jack Ass 2 wasn't really funny - it was lame, therefore making people amused.

Had my church's Choir cum AV annual dinner & gathering at Roxy Mercure Hotel on Thursday. $25 per head and the spread was well, quite acceptable - what you would expect in an average buffet.

Went to The Pump Room @ Clary Quay just now as they were having a fund raising event for AfA. The turnout was quite good. I was bored throughout. Luckily Marcus was there with Jeremy to accompany me.

Kenneth has been very busy and tired lately due to his many projects and assignments. He was involved as an usher also yesterday and today for NP's open house. Poor him... I hope he really gets the rest that he should get and that he wun fall ill.

I'll be out to NP's open house tomorrow to see the Nursing Department as well as the Film and Media Studies. Den i'll be heading off to JB for dinner with Nikki, her boyfriend, James and Jeremy. Thereafter, it'll be off to Taboo for some clubbing. I don't dance, so i'll just go there to chill out.

It's a pity that Kenneth can't join me due to his studies and that he's not allowed overseas with his friends. I'm sure he would enjoy it. But nevertheless, i hope to spend more time with him during his semester break in mid-February before he goes to the next challenge - Year 2.

Goodnight peeps!

New Specs

Went to Free Community Church today with Jeremy and Nicholas. Thereafter, went to Maxwell for lunch and to Marina Square and Suntec City for a walk with Jeremy. I bought myself a CD from Hillsongs Live - Might to Save. Parted ways at about 4pm and i went to Katong Shopping Center to collect my new pair of specs. It's orange in color. It's off to Bedok Library to borrow some books on posing and photography.

Home for a nap and then now up. Will be sleeping again soon.

I miss kennie... sobs...

M.A.C VIVA Glam Lip Stick

Kennie has been rather busy these days as his semester's ending and has lotsa projects to complete. Poor him... Went out with him on Thursday night to watch Forbidden Chestnuts. It's a nice play.

Went to Tangs today to sell the M.A.C VIVA Glam Lip Sticks. All proceeds from the sale goes to the M.A.C AIDS Fund and in Singapore, it goes to Action for AIDS (Singapore). Sun Yan Zi, Neo Swee Lin, Lim Kay Siew, Tan Kheng Hua, Chua En Lai, Nick Shen, Pam Oei, DJ George and the entire Power98 crew was there as well as Hossan Leong. He talked on air the longest and frightened away a small girl. Poor her. She must have been traumatised by Hossan... Wonder if he'll leave any bad impressions on him when she grows up. haha...

Found out that my friend is a licensed hypnotherapist. I wonder if i should go for it to control my weight and loose weight. It'll definately work.

Will be watching Just Sebastian on 26th of Jan and Hossan's stand up on the 31st of January. Might be going to KL either on 1st February night by night train on 2nd Feb morning by bus and return on the 4th.

I'm a good boy. Am going to Free Community Church tomorrow morning.

Goodnight peeps.

Sick

The Queen's sick. Down with a slightly blocked nose and fever with a lil' sore throat - due to talking too much.

Went to St John's HQ for a meeting at 11am. to Heeren for prize giving ceremony for AfA - was the photographer. Went to watch Death Note 2. Went Carrefour and home. Now still sick.

Goodnight.

2007's first entry & Back from Bangkok!

Hi all,

It's my first post for year 2007 and I'm back from Bangkok, safe and sound, alive and kickin', in 1 piece, despite the 8 bomb blasts that went off on new year's eve.

Quite a lot of things to blog about - the bomb blasts, my trip in bkk, and the submarine cables...

Will do so when i'm free. Kinda busy now as work's piling up...

Have a great 2007 everyone!